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Friday, September 26, 2008

Green Gizzies

Everybody talks about saving the earth today. Products are earth-friendly, eco-friendly, footprint friendly, and just plain REAL friendly. My, my, aren't we just FRIENDLY people?

Actually, that's a good thing. There earth does need inhabitants that care about it. The inhabitants need other inhabitants that care about THEM. So, please, while you're out there buying green stuff and recycling your garbage, don't forget to recycle other things you don't want. Other people may actually need your cast-offs. Everybody tosses stuff out; clothes that don't fit or that are out of date or whatever, books that have been read, household items that you have replaced with new, improved versions, and the like.

So, when you take your papers, cans, and plastic bottles to the recycle bins and your plastic bags to the grocery store, drop your other recycleable items in the Salvation Army box or take them to a thrift store. I have a favorite saying that goes "no good deed goes unpunished". That, of course, is not true - it just feels that way sometimes. Random acts of kindness are spiritually uplifting to both the actor and the actee, just be careful and don't be stupid about it (you know, like giving people wearing masks a ride).

It won't do any good to save the earth if there isn't anyone left to enjoy it.

Sooooo, buy "green" stuff and recycle everything that is recycleable, including smiles, acts of kindness and hope.

You certainly didn't hear this first hear, but you are hearing again and again and again, blah, blah, blah. Well, we mean well.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Ontogeny Recapitulates Phylogeny (ORP)

This answers a question nobody asked. But who cares. When I was in the 9th grade I did a paper titled "Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny". I don't remember what I scored on it. I do remember that my teacher came to my house to discuss it with me (or my folks, I can't remember now - this was 43 years ago) because he had no idea what I was talking about. (Obviously, if he had actually read my paper, he would KNOW - idiot!). Sorry, I digress. Scientifically, this phrase has to do with the evolution of a species and there are different theories about all that. Loosely and generally speaking however, these three words are a real convoluted, high-falutin' way to say "history repeats itself".

Everybody in the world over the age of ten knows this to be a fact, but will fail to acknoweldge it and live with it in their everyday lives. For instance, the world is always changing. The earth heats up, then freezes up, then warms up again - and all this happened long before man arrived on the scene, and will continue long after he is gone. Now when the last ice age ended, did they blame the dinosuars for passing too much gas and damaging the ozone layer? Nope. Not to my knowledge. And guess what, the ice age is still ending and slowly turning into meltdown age. Has been all along now. It's just getting warm and unstable enough now that man is becoming alarmed. Ohhhh. We're alarmed. This is going to happen whether we're here or not. I'm not saying that we aren't helping it along a little. I'm just saying that it isn't within our power to stop it. Ya know, the universe doesn't really revolve around us. Okay, enough on global warming.

We can also use our ORP theory with almost everything else cyclical. Fashions repeat themselves - usually with a little twist. I was a teenager in the sixties and wore bell bottoms and hip huggers and mini skirts. Gee, if I wasn't so old now, I could just pull them out of my closet and fit right in. Now that's a visual you don't need to ponder. Look at all the "retro" out there now in cars, trucks, diners, clothes, home decor, etc. Women are again heading more for the Boticelli look that has been "in" several times during history. Even music is recycled.

This is just the tip of the iceberg (no pun intended). Stop and start thinking of all the things that have passed before and that are occuring again. It's astounding. Makes you kind of think that there is no more originality. Over the short term and over the long term and in it's loosest translation, ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. The parent to the child, the world over again.

Now THAT was certainly worth more than 2 cents. You heard it here first.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

About Cats, Dogs and Relationships

Answer number 2 responds to the query: "What the hell is WRONG with her (or him)?"

And the answer is, simply, that men are like dogs and women are like cats. This premise terribly maligns our four legged friends, but, hey, it really is a pretty good comparison generally speaking.

First of all, women as a whole are very much like cats. They want to be cuddled only when THEY want to be cuddled. If you try to snuggle up with them when they're not in the mood, look out. Women, like cats, are also dependently independent (or independently dependent, whichever works for you). They want their freedom and are fiercely independent, but really like knowing that there is a warm lap to cuddle up on when somebody throws water on them or a big, bad pitbull behind them to rip somebody's face off if kitty's mouth is bigger than her claws. Cats, and women, are smart, tricky and manipulative. They'll lay on their back and give you a "come hither and scratch my tummy" look and then strike so fast when you reach to tickle them that you don't know what hit you until you see the blood dripping off your fingers. Ahh, but you keep coming back for more, don't you? They're soft and cuddly and they know cute little tricks and ways to throw you off your game. Life is never boring with either a cat or a woman. Because, if life does get boring, they'll get the crazies and stir things up a bit. Or just pack up and leave you for a better lap or a meaner guard dog. Go figure.

Men, on the other hand, are like dogs. They like to lie around and watch the world go by putting forth as little effort as possible. They are totally into instant gratification, and anything that feels good. They're always ready to slobber all over you or knock you over with their rough and ready playing. They like to eat, lay around and do incredibly stupid things that they think are fun. Dogs chase a stick and then bring it back so you can throw it again so that they can chase it again, ad infinitum. Men drink until they get sick. Wow, what fun. Off color and tasteless jokes are hysterical. Dogs lick their, well, you know. Men would, too, if they could....and they'd wonder why you thought that was a bad thing. Huhhhh? They're also loyal - at least they think they are. They'll always come back to you but it might be after they followed someone else around for a while. After all, they know where the food and the warm bed are. And once again, they wonder why you think that's a bad thing. Oy.

Well, you catch my drift about cats and dogs and men and women. Dogs are basically easy to train because they're so predictable. Cats are nearly impossible to train because they are so UNpredictable (predictably unpredictable if you will). For instance, you can train your husband to put the toilet seat down but can you train your wife to put it up? Think about it.
You heard it here first, even if you didn't want to. What do you expect for 2 cents these days?

The Empress

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Technorati Profile

Workplace Success

Our first answer is to the question "how do I get ahead in my job?" (or, in layman's terms, "how do I kill my jerkwad boss and still pay the bills?")

The answer may surprise you. You don't have to be the best at what you do or the fastest or the first one in and last one out. The quickest way to be promoted in your job is to do some serious sucking up. Butt kissing beats knowledge and ability hands down. Schmoozing with the boss helps, too. You know, play golf with him/her, work out together, etc. Being a hard worker will only get you ulcers and a divorce.

All the advice that you get about being the first one in and the last one out, working your butt off and being a team player (yuck) comes from bosses. Of course they want you to work harder. You are the ones that keep the company solvent and looking good. However, have you ever noticed that the people that do the least and screw up the most, but are premier brown-nosers, are the ones that get promoted and acknowedged? It certainly seems that if you're too stupid to do the job efficiently, but you are buddies with the boss, then you will be promoted. If you are really good at your job, the bosses don't want to promote you. You are too good at what you do. Think about it.

And if you happen to be one of the aforementioned butt kissers, please be advised that we are onto you. You may have the bosses fooled, but if we're nice to you, it's only because we are stupid enough to think that if you like us then maybe the boss will notice us, too. Pathetic, huh? Come on guys (and girls), take a reality pill. If you're okay with being treated like the red-headed stepchild, then I applaud you. I say we should all revolt, or whatever is politically correct these days.

My 2 cents. You heard it here first.

The Empress

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

All the answers are........