Workplace Success

Our first answer is to the question "how do I get ahead in my job?" (or, in layman's terms, "how do I kill my jerkwad boss and still pay the bills?")

The answer may surprise you. You don't have to be the best at what you do or the fastest or the first one in and last one out. The quickest way to be promoted in your job is to do some serious sucking up. Butt kissing beats knowledge and ability hands down. Schmoozing with the boss helps, too. You know, play golf with him/her, work out together, etc. Being a hard worker will only get you ulcers and a divorce.

All the advice that you get about being the first one in and the last one out, working your butt off and being a team player (yuck) comes from bosses. Of course they want you to work harder. You are the ones that keep the company solvent and looking good. However, have you ever noticed that the people that do the least and screw up the most, but are premier brown-nosers, are the ones that get promoted and acknowedged? It certainly seems that if you're too stupid to do the job efficiently, but you are buddies with the boss, then you will be promoted. If you are really good at your job, the bosses don't want to promote you. You are too good at what you do. Think about it.

And if you happen to be one of the aforementioned butt kissers, please be advised that we are onto you. You may have the bosses fooled, but if we're nice to you, it's only because we are stupid enough to think that if you like us then maybe the boss will notice us, too. Pathetic, huh? Come on guys (and girls), take a reality pill. If you're okay with being treated like the red-headed stepchild, then I applaud you. I say we should all revolt, or whatever is politically correct these days.

My 2 cents. You heard it here first.

The Empress